My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
