I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
