I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
