He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
