I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
