Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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