I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
