I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
