Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize