She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
