Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
