Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
