I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
