watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
