wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
