Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
