So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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