respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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