the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
