It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
