apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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