so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
