Already got asked if we're dating
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
