you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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