You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
