she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How does it feel to date your dad?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
