So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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