Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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