Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize