Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
