I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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