Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
