...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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