I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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