I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
