Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
