Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
