so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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