wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
