Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
