Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
