Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we should paint friendship bongs
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