I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
