woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
