I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
