Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
