I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
