There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
