can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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