Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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