he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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