You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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