she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
