Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
