She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
