I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
