i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
