Me too!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
