Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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