The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
