No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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