walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
