Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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