Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
