I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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