Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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