in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
