I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
