woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
