I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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