Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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