we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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