eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
