i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
