"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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