my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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