if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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