I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
