Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
