Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
