well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
